


Why Am I the One Left Alone?

by IndigoFudge



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Christmas Party, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is Temporarily Dead, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, Fix-It, Fluff, Found Family, Holidays, It's Not a Fix-It if Stanley Uris is Dead, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Minor Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Short One Shot, Stanley Uris Lives, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoFudge/pseuds/IndigoFudge
Summary: It's the Losers' first annual holiday gathering after the summer of 2016.Richie is the fifth wheel.Until maybe miracles do happen.-A short oneshot.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 71





	Why Am I the One Left Alone?

**Author's Note:**

> Tw for talk of alcohol, reference to past character death, and heavy description of grief.

Richie had planned on spending Christmas drinking alone in his LA apartment, but Ben and Bev invited him over to their place, so now he's going to spend Christmas drinking alone in a stupid Hallmark house. 

When he arrives, they welcome him in with open arms. Mike and Bill are already there. Bill hugs him - Richie doesn't hug back.

"Richie!" Bev exclaims. Her cheeks are flushed pink. "It's so good to see you!"

What Richie wants to say is _It's only been four months, calm down._ What he really says is "It's good to see you too."

He sits alone at the very end of the couch. Ben and Bev are all over each other, laughing and hugging and kissing on the cheek. _Good for you,_ Richie thinks, cold nausea flipping in his stomach. _Real fucking good for you._

Fifteen minutes in, the party is sucking absolute ass. Mike keeps giving Bill heart eyes; Bill is all but making out with him right in front of everybody.

Richie wonders if anyone else is noticing the two very obvious empty spots where Stan and Eddie should be. 

There is no cause for celebration, after all. Seven turned into six turned into five. The grief is heavy and suffocating. Why is Richie the only one who seems to be feeling it? Why is everybody acting like nothing happened, like this has been a perfect year and like things are _normal_? It punches Richie in the throat. _Eddie fucking died,_ he wants to say. _Stan fucking died. At least acknowledge them._ But it's as if they never even existed.

The night goes on and Richie becomes more and more shut off - withdrawing into himself like a turtle into its shell. _I wish I was a turtle,_ he thinks. He certainly feels as helpless as one, trapped on its back in the middle of an enclosure.

Mike tries to include him when they all play Clue. Richie politely declines. He finishes his wine and pours another glass. Soon it's almost midnight, and the party shows no signs of stopping.

But the energy is all wrong. Can't they see?! What the fuck is wrong with them? There are two pieces missing in this jigsaw puzzle, two holes in Richie's heart. Stan should be here with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, making dry comments and beating everyone at Scrabble. Eddie should be here with a stupid cardigan over an even stupider polo shirt, complaining about how many allergens are in the sugar cookies. They _should_ be here, but they aren't, and everyone else just glosses over it. Do they even remember?

Richie calms his jacked up pulse. _Of course they remember,_ he tells himself. _We're not forgetting like last time._ _They're just... distracted._

 _Distracted._ They're not even paying attention, save for Bev occasionally glancing at Richie with concern written on her face. For the most part, she's enthralled with Ben, who is in turn enthralled with her. Mike's got Bill's hand sandwiched in between both of his; he's too far gone to think about which of his friends is pining over which. Richie's a fifth wheel. Ben and Bev have each other. Bill has Mike; Mike has Bill. Richie can almost not blame them.

But "almost" is the key word, because he _does_ blame them. It makes him sick with how angry he is, how much he wishes they would even just mention Stan's and Eddie's names. 

The clock goes from 11:58 PM to 12:01 AM to 12:36 AM. At a quarter to one, the doorbell rings.

Richie looks at Ben and Bev, who are cuddled up on the loveseat. He looks at Mike, who is sitting next to Bill with a hand on his knee. He kind of just wants to ignore the doorbell and continue drinking himself into a stupor, but there's a nagging voice in his head that won't let him. Maybe it's so he can get away from everybody for a couple minutes. Who knows. He sighs. "Alright, I guess I'll get it, since you lovebirds are all tangled up." Despite how much he tries to keep the bitterness out of his voice, some remains, tinging the words dark.

The doorbell rings again before he gets to it. "Coming!" he shouts annoyedly. His fingers close around the knob and he begins to swing the door open. "It's not a clit, stop pressing..."

He trails off mid crude joke.

There, shivering on the porch, stand two people Richie never thought he'd see again.

Richie drops his wineglass. It shatters on the tile floor.

"Oh, great, that's gonna be fun to clean up," says Eddie. _Eddie!!!!_

Tears spring to Richie's eyes.

"Hey, don't cry," says Stan. _Stan!!!!_

Before either of them can say anything else, Richie lunges forward and wraps them in his arms.

Part of him doubted that Stan and Eddie were even _there_ (because why would they be?), so when his hands touch solid mass and brush against the soft fabric of Eddie's cardigan, he collapses to his knees on the icy porch - pulling them down with him.

"Whoa," Eddie says. He sounds surprised, but he hugs Richie back just as fiercely. "It's alright, Rich. We're real."

"H," starts Richie, unable to get the question out. 

Stan rests his chin on the top of Richie's head and seems to understand. "I think Derry had a little magic left after all."

Richie gulps. "How much do you, uh....?"

"Remember?" Stan finishes. "All of it. Eddie, too, going by what he told me before we rang the doorbell. He filled me in on what I missed."

"What happened?" 

Eddie sniffles. "We just woke up in the driveway. It was like- like... waking up from a long nap. And like we were _supposed_ to be here, meant to be here."

Footsteps come up behind Richie. Bill starts to say "Is everything-" and then cuts off with a gasp. Suddenly four more people join the hug, holding each other tight and close, shaking with tears. 

"I feel like crying," says Eddie when Ben leads them back into the house, and judging by his red eyes he has been. He sits next to Richie on the couch, putting his head on Richie's shoulder.

Richie holds Eddie's hand. _No more being afraid,_ he decides. _I was scared as shit for 27 years and look where that got me._ He doesn't say anything to Eddie; doesn't have to. They share a glance, and Eddie nods. They'll talk eventually. And for once, they have enough time for that - they've got all the time in the world. But they don't need words right now. They just need each other's touch. 

Richie realizes that's all he's ever needed.

He leans his head against the window, staring up into the night sky.

For a split second, he swears he can see a constellation in the shape of a turtle.


End file.
